What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
14.06.2025 19:14
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
Why do women have sex with dogs?
One cannot live in the past .
Why did i forgive my father ?
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
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Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
I have no regrets .
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Where the ultimate outsiders.
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
Why does a straight man like anal penetration?
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
I gave him everything. He said he loved me. Why?
I did it because my mum asked me too!
I will be 64.
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
My life is so biszare .
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
How does it feel to be in a marriage without any love?
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
And who doesn’t know suffering?
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
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The only rule us 5 kids had .
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
What should I do if I love a girl and she apparently doesn't love me?
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
Was to survive, this bastard.
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And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
She was in good health!
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
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As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
Do you regret being married to your current wife?
So whats the point in blame.
He knew the spot.
Im still living with it.
I said to her
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
I never cut or harmed myself..
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
So, i spoilt her more .
Put me off passion for life!!
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
Comes on , in middle age.
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
I think the readers, may guess!
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
They are buried together, in the same grave..
As i do to all so called friends.?
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
I was scared of men, in general
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
We all went to grammer schools
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
When she asked me how she looked .
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
I could never make a relationship work though!
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
I was very sick at this time too.
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
On the 31st of Jan this month .
What did i know ?
I couldn’t, believe it.
I waited trembling.
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
We were not on the streets..
Especially a lifetime of it.
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
He resisted the act ,that day.
But ive been too sick for many years..
I had hoped to write a book about this .
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
But, we were locked up after school.
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
(And it was in our own minds.)
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
Im dying but, im not bitter.
It was going to be , some day.
And i lived it daily.
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
I write beautiful poetry .
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
I know ,a lot about trauma.
This is how, and why children get BPD.
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
Would this be the day?
She wouldn,t have been !
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
He was dying to do it , i knew.
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
Ive learnt so much.
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
But it wasn’t much.
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
She loved him until the end.
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
She found it foreign!.
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
My family never makes their pension either.
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
I was 9 years of age.
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
This is soul school!.
I was seconnd youngest,
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
All the time i was locked up.
She married twice! .
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
Who then, do I blame.?
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
I don,t even have a pension.
My mum and dad in the seventies!
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..